Thursday, September 1, 2011 - 10:33 AM
You guys must be thining what happened to me? What happened to everything. I was wondering that too. And I thought it myself, maybe I was confused? Tired? or maybe I am just a failure? From the start of the day, in the car, my dad and me kept quiet while the radio was playing eminem song. I got the part on his rap. I knew what was it all about. But then I thought again, maybe he was saying something else? I think outside of the box, I understood it. so maybe I thought, This is life. how should it goes. We shouldn't play along. We should fight for. then when I reached school, I realise how many people I know but not a single one of them was that perfect best friend. I know no one is perfect. I know. but no one really understood me. No one. during recess, I heard a conversation that really made me think about, maybes'. Ifs'. but it was useless. I knew I couldn't turn back time. So well, after recess, it was mathematics. As usual, it was mr sim talk again. But this time round, it was different, mr sim talked about school matters. Not those discipline matters but he allowed us to ask questions.. Well, he said something which made me thought alot. Then it was science. Peiwen started being angry. Say the truth, I wasn't mad at her, I didn't think she was crazy. But i think that she was just depressed. Very depressed. Ms diyana talked to us about her and I realise maybe she is different. But just emotionally different from us. It was free period after that. I had gone through alot of thinking. The bottle cap struck me and I woke up. the first tear that teared down my face was the unhappiness and the unfairness. The second tear was the sorries I felt for everyone around me. Then they all started gushing out. I could then feel the pace of myself running, I could feel myself breathing so hard I could barely breathe. But I didn't care cause I was letting my sorrows out. I ran into the toilet. I turned the tap on, I saw the water gushing, it reminds me of all my lies. All my lousy excuses of lying. And the waste of my time. And I thought, maybe I was done. I was done trying so hard. But when I realise that I had a friend. Natasha. maybe she was the one who gave me the hope. But when she passed me the tissue paper, I felt strong again. I felt that I f i gave up, what's th point of trying so hard? When I walked into the class, I realised that actually everyone still cares for me. I felt it again. When I was with my teammates, I told myself. I will smile laugh. I won't get affected. But when I saw her, my heart just melted and I felt like running into her arms. We walked pass each other like we were just simply school mates nothing more than that. Well. I didn't want to let everyone down. I tried so hard. But each time I try, I fail. The harder I try, the faaster and harder I fell. What's the point? Well. I sat down and thought about it maybe it was me. Lack of the happiness and the work. I slept early. I woke up at 10 today. I decided to skip cross country. It wasn't my laziness but it was my tiredness. I couldn't have the energy to get myself out of bed. not physically but emotionally. I decided to stay home. but what makes my day is that dad is bringing me out!:)
I told myself 'you still have a long way to go. If you
can;t handle the stress now, what if you grow up and get out into the real
world? Whatcha gonna do?'
You guys must be thining what happened to me? What happened to everything. I was wondering that too. And I thought it myself, maybe I was confused? Tired? or maybe I am just a failure? From the start of the day, in the car, my dad and me kept quiet while the radio was playing eminem song. I got the part on his rap. I knew what was it all about. But then I thought again, maybe he was saying something else? I think outside of the box, I understood it. so maybe I thought, This is life. how should it goes. We shouldn't play along. We should fight for. then when I reached school, I realise how many people I know but not a single one of them was that perfect best friend. I know no one is perfect. I know. but no one really understood me. No one. during recess, I heard a conversation that really made me think about, maybes'. Ifs'. but it was useless. I knew I couldn't turn back time. So well, after recess, it was mathematics. As usual, it was mr sim talk again. But this time round, it was different, mr sim talked about school matters. Not those discipline matters but he allowed us to ask questions.. Well, he said something which made me thought alot. Then it was science. Peiwen started being angry. Say the truth, I wasn't mad at her, I didn't think she was crazy. But i think that she was just depressed. Very depressed. Ms diyana talked to us about her and I realise maybe she is different. But just emotionally different from us. It was free period after that. I had gone through alot of thinking. The bottle cap struck me and I woke up. the first tear that teared down my face was the unhappiness and the unfairness. The second tear was the sorries I felt for everyone around me. Then they all started gushing out. I could then feel the pace of myself running, I could feel myself breathing so hard I could barely breathe. But I didn't care cause I was letting my sorrows out. I ran into the toilet. I turned the tap on, I saw the water gushing, it reminds me of all my lies. All my lousy excuses of lying. And the waste of my time. And I thought, maybe I was done. I was done trying so hard. But when I realise that I had a friend. Natasha. maybe she was the one who gave me the hope. But when she passed me the tissue paper, I felt strong again. I felt that I f i gave up, what's th point of trying so hard? When I walked into the class, I realised that actually everyone still cares for me. I felt it again. When I was with my teammates, I told myself. I will smile laugh. I won't get affected. But when I saw her, my heart just melted and I felt like running into her arms. We walked pass each other like we were just simply school mates nothing more than that. Well. I didn't want to let everyone down. I tried so hard. But each time I try, I fail. The harder I try, the faaster and harder I fell. What's the point? Well. I sat down and thought about it maybe it was me. Lack of the happiness and the work. I slept early. I woke up at 10 today. I decided to skip cross country. It wasn't my laziness but it was my tiredness. I couldn't have the energy to get myself out of bed. not physically but emotionally. I decided to stay home. but what makes my day is that dad is bringing me out!:)