So, heyyyyy. Have been really studying hard for my examinations and I am getting my hopes high but I don't wanna disappoint myself at the end of the day. I still have physics paper tomorrow but I just need to tell you guys about some deep thoughts I have been through for quite sometime.

I realised I never was satisfied with my life. I am always looking for something better. Something strong and attractive. I was always looking for attention like love and care because I felt like I wasn't being loved or cared enough by people. I started comparing myself with people. Like popular people. People who have beauty, power, wealth,etc. It's really hard to face the cruel society. I never felt secured. I never felt beautiful enough. I admit I do look myself in the mirror and thank my mom, Dad and forefathers for a decent face. I do find myself pretty and I get confidence from that but then my confidence level drops to -46990582615284904 when I see people who are much more better than me. I felt like I wasn't fit enough. More over, I didn't know who to turn to when I am down. I felt like between my friends and cliques I don't have mutual trust between them as much as others as have with them. I don't know Why. I felt that If I tell someone whom know all my friends, that person would feel like I am a loser and then spread the message across and stop getting closer to me. It is when people turn their backs on me. I felt like a let down when I had bad grades. A let down to everyone around me. I know it is me whom I created this cause and no one is to be blamed but me. I get so stressed during the exam periods and just break down. Even a simple math equation and I can't solve? I ask myself "what is going on? Why am I like that?" My tears just couldn't stop but then I stopped them from falling.

I told myself No. I am not going to let my insecurities eat me out.

Right now, I am always constantly telling myself how blessed am I to have such a great family background. My parents love me dearly and my brothers care for me even though they don't really show it but I know they have always been supporting me. Even though I have always been fighting with my brothers, we still forgive each other. I might always feel outcasted with my cliques but hey, at least they welcome me and we still go together in school. Thankful for everything. Even though I always complain still Why don't I have this why don't I have that on twitter but I still do appreciate what I still have right now. I tell myself I might not be the prettiest girl in the world but I will let society accept me for who I am but not whether I am pretty or not. If society decides that I am not "applicable " I will still do what I am best at. Even when I know I will do badly for a test and get scolded by my parents, I will tell them the next time. I has to try my best at that moment and that was the best I could give during that hour but right now I have days and months to catch up and I will. So, some serious shit has just started. I am changing for myself not for others.

Much love!